No! Not at my Eyes

Do not look at my eyes,

When my eyes are teary,

When I am in anger,

When I am in jealousy,

When I am competitive,

When I am sad,

When I am lustful,

When ego overrules me,

Look not at them,

For while they are windows to my soul,

You would partially see and read the view inside,

And I do not prefer you,

When window is used for those dark qualities of me,

For I want peace and status quo.

Reading eyes has half of understanding,

Yet I prefer avoiding it.

Avoid meet

Human mind can adapt is irrefutable,

At saturation point we feel contented,

We wish to retain being comfortable,

Applying effort to step beyond is time wasted.

Warm and so comfortable one feels in comfort zone,

And one masters acts or art of living within it,

Associated merits within that zone is gone,

Nullified or wasted as though it’s unwanted.

Now new meet of any sort is torture,

Standing upright and maintaining stable mind is tough,

Mismatching life within and external make us a caricature,

Sadness strikes like health adulterated by cough.

Life is left into a state prone to frequent depression,

Taking more than just contemplation. 

LOVE SONNET*

I just wrote love letter to my first love,

Two of my second love put me in dilemma,

After choice words broke out of secrete shell with cough,

News reached to the ears of our group friend’s girls like drama.

Five couple circled and had a short meet,

Lop Chimi’s entrance in the garden drove us away,

Gathering again for movie that looked like skit,

Relationship didn’t last fortnight but we were okay.

Middle school comprise of only infatuations,

My eleventh grade had love at the beginning and end,

Love at start was owing to her misconceptions,

Another love was developed feelings out of my mind

.

Later, many indirect love proposal were made,

All of which is unsatisfactory driving me mad. 

(*NOTE: Iambic pentameter is not observed; just rhyme scheme is followed) 

TIME I LOST AT SHERCOL*

She lied me Messenger when we chatted,

Thinking that I was someone trying to flirt,

Then she found out it is me who she knows,

Chat went on long exchanging various ideas,

It went on day after day but with break,

I started missing chat when I am in break,

And moment I had to leave after chat I feel lost,

Then I started missing chat and her,

I discovered my feeling grew for her,

I was in love with her,

And I missed her despite distance,

Knowledge of we haven’t met before did not help,

Time lost with exams going on didn’t hold me back,

I lost myself and moments,

Lost to the point I can let her not accept my love,

To the point that her decision not affecting me,

She would remain in my heart till the point I haven’t decided.

Shercol: Sherubtse College in Bhutan 

Life at College

Life at college seemed easy unless time moved on,

Tasks started adding up never leaving us totally free,

We need to do at least something as a student,

Be it assignment, classwork, homework, presentation, etc,

Leaving us conscious of time and things we do,

Even in the course of enjoying,

We don’t get to do it fully,

We have something at the back of mind,

It keeps on distracting and reminding you over and over,

Fear of flunk makes it worse,

Having to live with the expectations of people,

Which puts lots of fear and determination,

Letting us drive in one way,

Even thinking of home and parents remind us,

To do nothing but study,

All we have to do is study,

And there is fear if we can use it,

Or would it remain in the brains for long at least,

Life of student is always about study.  

Their fun is not mine

When I see others do the stuffs,

I find it interesting, envying and fun,

When I get to do the same that they did,

I see no fun and begin doubting,

Whether fun I reap is fun they reaped,

Or is it same or my subjective interpretation,

Can it be possible they do feel the same?

It surely made me think,

“It’s not fun whenever my turn strikes”,

Or keeping me in suspense with doubt,

Did others feel the same?

How do I know about them?

I or WE?

There is others and us,

There is he and I,

Friends and enemy,

Close-knit and distant,

Discomfort and comfort,

Crowd and aloof,

Crowd and with closed ones,

Introvert and extrovert,

And list goes on,

I am presented in all,

Yet I are different in each fields,

Is it “I” or “We”?

I MUST BE MAD

Reminded was I to not crave for anything,

I was inspired by words of instructor very much,

Rebirth would be cursed and bad with craving,

Hence first we offer before using it,

You no doubt became object of offering,

Yet I am not able to offer with higher frequency,

I am craving for your beauty or way you are,

I may have to pay the price later,

My impulse is really strong to let you go,

Now you appear in my dreams and thoughts,

Even in the class I slyly watch you,

Only to satisfy when I am able to see you,

Contented only when our eyes meet,

Paradise on earth would it be if,

You understand my feelings and requite my love,

I badly want to approach you,

Yet I turn blank whenever I see you,

Unlike few meets before I fell for you,

I can’t talk to you without subject or issue,

I feel something missing when our class ends,

So much possessive I am becoming,

My mind’s losing its control,

I feel emotional when I imagine introducing you,

To my dear mother who I imagine had waited for this day,

Being in same class has both pros and cons,

It delayed my approach as I can’t stand rejection,

Yet you don’t miss to see her once a day at least.

Background is what I hate to talk,

I possess very low self-esteem,

I am afraid she would be unfortunate,

To have unfortunate person like me,

I console all my doubts and suspicions by,

The line “love shouldn’t have condition”. 

13/10/2013

LEAVE ME NOT

Supposing I got to be with the girl I wanted to meet in my life, I spent great time with her and in case if old age steals my memory, I write:

When my memory make your life trying,

Read my lines and forgive my every flaws,

Convert me into mechanical by reading,

About our joys, journey and great funs,

Share about acts, thoughts and looks of mine,

Investigate my reaction to what you narrate,

Real would it be and sure would it be fine,

Do not hide your emotions for my sake,

Yearning for another would surely hurt me,

Envying others doesn’t substitute,

Our mated soul born after deep trust and love,

Darkness and emptiness are our karma,

Forgive and forget me not anytime,

Your struggle would surely be rewarded,

I pity and care but can’t let you go,

You must understand me in my hard times,

My difference shouldn’t falsify these poems.

Painkiller

It was warm and nice feeling while I see her in the class. Each time I see her that intensified my urge to see her.  A friend of mine’s encouragement intensified my love even deeper. Now I hardly can be in normal state mentally. Even when I see and meet her in the class I feel sad and melancholic as I never can be able to be with her always. Departure from her made my heart warm, nauseous and emotional. I don’t know why I want her. I want her to understand that I love her without saying but through this poem.

Who would charge when my battery runs low?

What activities would divert my lost soul?

Which tools would break that silent awkwardness?

Yet how can escapism replace lost soul?

Why would world change despite remaining same?

How powerful that state of mind is is?

Would clairvoyance bring the expected world?

A world different from dubious stuck real?

Would the sun shine even in the darkness?

Darkness consumes hint without clairvoyance,

Time and sadness would fix this real always,

Journey continues with only memory,

Clairvoyance visits and story changes,

Or tremendous guts write the supposed tale.

Heartache

I remain ignorant of the cause,

But these days surely has me under weather,

Heart’s burning and eyes teary,

Desperately my soul cries,

Perhaps, eyes and fats pay prices,

What is it that is missing?

Surely this heart of mine,

Perhaps, karma of mine,

Contributing factors, and all are weak.

I,..yes! I am weak.